


Meeting the parents

by ChaosKasha



Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Ben meets Bea's parents, F/M, Hints of mature relationship, Set before Lovely Little Losers, because let's be real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-04 00:39:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2902979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosKasha/pseuds/ChaosKasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Now you’re just grasping at straws, Ben! Why don’t you just give up, and admit you’ve been picking fights all day to hide the fact you’re terrified about meeting my parents?” Meeting the in-laws is sure to be a horribly embarrassing experience, Ben's sure of it! Turns out, it's not Ben who should be nervous of humiliating stories being told...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meeting the parents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cones_McMurphy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cones_McMurphy/gifts).



> This started out as a headcanon of Ben meeting Bea's parents I sent to officiallyelizabethbarton on tumblr to cheer her up a few weeks ago. When I started to write it down, it morphed into a much longer fic than the drabble I had planned... Oh well!
> 
> Some references to Bea and Ben having quite a mature physical relationship. Absolutely nothing explicit, or anything that's worse than what's on the show, but let's be real here!

The woman in seat 23B was impressed with the teenagers’ stamina. The couple in the row in front of her had not stopped bickering since they got onto the plane fifteen minutes ago. At first, they had argued over whether or not it was reasonable to pay twice as much for a bottle of water, just because it was on the right side of the security controls. Then they had fought over who should have the window seat, before moving over to the proper procedure on how to stow away your carry-on luggage. When they had finally settled in, they had picked up what seemed like an old argument of who should end up on the Iron Throne. Judging by the furious looks shot their way by the man in 21F, the young couple wasn’t concerned with keeping spoilers from the rest of the airline. The young man was delivering a long speech on the virtues of Hodor as ruler, waving his hands animatedly at his girlfriend. Finishing his tirade with a smug smile, the young woman scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Now you’re just grasping at straws, Ben! Why don’t you just give up, and admit you’ve been picking fights all day to hide the fact you’re terrified about meeting my parents?”

 

~¤~NMTD~¤~

 

Ben twisted nervously in his seat, and avoided meeting Bea’s eyes.

“I… I’m just nervous. It’s a pretty important meeting. I don’t want your parent to think I’m weird, or wonder why you’ve chosen to stay with me in Wellington instead of going to them in Australia or stay with Hero in Auckland. I-- I mean, I rarely make a good first impression, so what happens if they hate me? We got together because you chose your cousin in spite of what the world said, so I know you’re, like, as loyal as Sam is towards Frodo when it comes family, and I don’t ever want to put you in a situation where you have to choose, and—“ 

Bea reached over and grabbed his hands, prompting him to look over and meeting her warm gaze. His words faltered as she put a finger over his lips, and he looked at her with an expression of a lost puppy.

“My parents are going to love you, Ben. My mum had quite given up on me ever finding someone, so she’s going to be delighted, no matter how you act. They’ve already expressed their full support of me moving back to Wellington with you instead of joining them in Australia or staying in Auckland with Hero, not that I needed it. And even though I would walk through the fires of Mordor for Hero, the same is not automatically true for people just because we share genes or a family name. I’m loyal to the people that I love and who love me in return. And now that includes you too, Dickface! So stop worrying so goddamn much!” She squeezed his hand, before leaning over and giving him a quick kiss on the mouth. When she leaned back, a mischievous grin stole across her face.

“‘Sides, if it all goes to hell, we’ll just find a hotel, and spend the rest of the week marathoning Doctor Who on Netflix, or you’ll drag me out to look at lorikeets of whatever.”

Ben looked at her with a slightly stunned look on his face, but a small grin was growing in the corners of his mouth.

“I love you, Beatrice” Bea smiled back and him, and cuddled up close, putting her head on his shoulder when his arm wrapped around her.

“I love you too, Ben. Now, which in-flight movie should we watch?”

 

~¤~NMTD~¤~

 

Sitting with Bea in her parents’ living room, Ben couldn’t believe how nervous he had been just a few hours ago. The Dukes had greeted him with such open and enthusiastic manners that his nervousness hadn’t even lasted all the way to the car. And with his uneasiness removed, his chattiness had had a free reign due to relief. Bea’s dad, who looked a lot like Hero’s Mumma, had grinned widely as Bea and Ben talked over themselves about their plans for Wellington, and said to Bea’s mum:

“It’s good to know Beatrice’s finally found someone who can match the speed of her tongue!” 

Bea’s mum had, quite unexpectedly, pulled him into a hug at the airport, and exclaimed:

“Oh, I can’t believe we finally meet! I’ve been wanting to put a face to your name ever since that summer when, whenever we called, Beatrice would be off “doing something with that Hobbes boy”, and if we were ever able to get a hold of her for a few minutes, it was all “Ben this”, “Ben did that”, “Ben and I”! My sisters-in-law would refer to the two of you as “the love-birds”, and it seems they were right!” She had winked at him, and Bea’s face had flushed bright red.

Bright red was rapidly becoming the new permanent shade of colour on Bea’s face. After showing them their new Australian house and letting them settle in, her parents had somehow managed to work in several embarrassing stories about her in less than fifteen minutes. Apart from her mum’s completely humiliating greeting of Ben at the airport, they had also managed to cover that time she accidentally stole her neighbour’s dog, that time she made six children cry at Disney World by talking about overfishing and how all of Ariel’s family would die from pollution from the oil industry, and also how she had named her chest of drawers Chester, since she thought it was called “Chester drawers” and had refused to accept any other version of spelling.

“Ha” Ben exclaimed gleefully, “You haven’t changed a bit!”

“Oh, I don’t know” Her dad chimed in. “Bumblebee’s a lot more graceful now. Used to run into stuff and knock things over all the time.” He pointed to a wooden deer standing on the window sill. “See that? Used to have antlers, but they got knocked off when Beatrice was five. She tried to escape her bath time by jumping out the window, but only made it half-way and knocked everything on the sill to the ground.”

Ben – the traitor! – laughed loudly at that! “Bumblebee?” he asked, turning towards her, his eyes glittering. _If he wasn’t so god damn cute, I’d sock him!_ She glared at him, refusing to rise to the bait. “Figures, if you decided you could fly, not even the laws of physics could stop you.

“You know that’s a myth, right?” she shot at him. Unperturbed, he just smiled back, and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

“You’re more stubborn than an insect” he mumbled, his lips half an inch from her face. Before she could punch him or pull him closer – she honestly didn’t know which she wanted to do the most – Ben had turned back to her parents. “Are there any photos documenting this? I’d love to see “Bumblebee” in a school play, or something!”

He had spoken the magic words. The only thing that could soothe her mum after a really stressful business week was sorting and organising the family photos. She was back in record time with four large photo albums, squeezed herself into the sofa next to Ben, and thrust the top album into his hands. And thus began the most excruciating torture Beatrice had ever endured. Page after page of photos of her, in various stages of clothing, were shown to her boyfriend. Several were pointed out, and a story was told to explain why she was swinging on the monkey bars without trousers, or why she had ice cream in her hair, or why she had stolen Leo swim trunks to use as a hat. A photoset of Bea at the aviary part of a Zoo they had visited in the States with her mum’s family was what finally sent her over the edge.

“Bea, look!” Ben pointed to a picture of Bea, wearing her “grumpy cat” face, standing next to an emu that mirrored her expression. “You were a crotchety old emu back then as well!”

“Shut up! This is supposed to be awkward for you, not me!” she hissed in return, hitting him in the arm. Her dickface boyfriend just laughed, and gave her a deep kiss, not caring that her parents were sitting just a few feet from them. When he pulled away from her blushing face, he turned to her mum and said:

“We’d better hide the rest of these albums from Bea, or she might smother me with a pillow tonight to stop me from spreading the rumours of their existence.” And the albums were finally taken away.

 

~¤~NMTD~¤~

 

A while later, as Bea came back to their room from the bathroom, she heard Ben talking on the phone with his mum.

“No, everything’s fine. Mr and Mrs Duke are great; they came and picked us up at the airport, and they’ve really made me feel welcome here. Yes, mum, I’ve thanked them.” He rolled his eyes at Bea. “No, Mr Duke hasn’t had a talk with me about how to treat his daughter. Bea would kick his butt if he tried it. She chewed Leo out when he tried to do it. No, mum, you’re not allowed to ask that!” Bea raised her eyebrows at him, but he shook his head. “Mum, no, stop! I didn’t call to talk about our sleeping arrangements here in Australia, but I’ll tell you that Bea’s parents reason the same way that Hero’s do, so you won’t be able to get them on your side! I called because I wanted you to send me something. You know that trip we took to Brighton with Dean and his family? Yeah, the one with the leaky cottage. Could you send me a couple of pictures of me at the beach? You know, the ones with my awesome costume. Yeah, I know I said you should burn them, but I kinda need them right now. Call it levelling the score.” He shot a look at Bea, and smiled that special grin that always made butterflies dance in her stomach. “Gotta go, mum. I’ll talk to you later. Send me those pictures as fast as you can, yeah? Love you, too. Bye!” He ended the call, and Bea sat down next to him on the bed.

“What was that about?” Ben just smiled and shook his head. 

“You’ll find out later.” He reached over and threaded his fingers into her hair. The butterflies in Bea’s stomach switched in their respectable waltz for a more intoxicating swing act, and she felt herself melt into his touch. 

“So, not as scary as you thought, right? Though, perhaps my parents were trying to scare you off by telling you all of my embarrassing childhood stories…” Ben laughed at Bea’s grumbling, and brought his forehead to rest against hers.

“There is not a story in the world – no matter how embarrassing – that would scare me away from you. You’re stuck with me, Duke, and you’d better get used to it!” Suddenly, the butterflies were having a carnival in her entire body, tingles spreading from her stomach and from where Ben’s hands were caressing her neck, setting her entire nervous system on fire. Unable to take it anymore, she tilted her head up and caught his mouth with her lips. The sparks that always flew between them ignited instantly. Without knowing how they got there, she suddenly found herself lying on top of Ben, his fingers in her hair, her hands sneaking in under his shirt, working their way up his back. Her leg slipped in between his thighs, and one of his hands left her hair to grab her hip and pull her closer. Time ceased to exist, and they spent a moment of infinity exploring the passion between them. It was only the knowledge that Bea’s parents were in the same house, and expecting them for dinner in twenty minutes, that kept their clothes on (because pushing shirts up for easier access to stomach and back was not undressing; it only counted if it was pulled over a head, thank you very much!). Slowly, they regained control over their raging libidos, and they lay next to each other, panting, refusing to let go to un-rumple their clothes.

“I really like your parents attitude to our sleeping arrangements” Ben mumbled, brushing his lips on Bea’s temple. “I just wish my mum would embrace some of that philosophy as well.” 

Bea sighed. “She still won’t budge on having me sleep in the guestroom whenever I stay over?” Ben snorted derisively.

“I think by the time we’ve been married for five years, she might allow you to sleep in my room on an air mattress, WITH the door open! I swear, it’s like she thinks you’ll get pregnant if I touch any part of you that isn’t your hands or your face. It’s ridiculous! Thank god your aunts aren’t that uptight!”

Ben’s mum, though very fond of Beatrice, thought they were far too young for a physical relationship. She forced them to keep the door slightly open whenever Bea was over, and even then, she’d constantly interrupt them with questions of if they wanted snacks, or what they’d been doing that day in school. One night, she’d found them sleeping in Ben’s bed, having fallen asleep during a Harry Potter marathon. Despite it being four o’clock on a school night, she had woken them up, and very kindly informed Beatrice that she had the choice of sleeping in the guestroom for the remaining two and a half hours, or she would be more than happy to give her a ride home, if she was too tired to drive on her own. Meg had laughed so hard she cried when they’d told the group of it the next day.

The Duke household had a lot more relaxed attitude to co-ed sleepovers. After catching Ben sneaking out of the house one Sunday morning, Hero’s mum had called him back in, asked him what he’d like for breakfast, and promised to have his favourite cereal next time he stayed over. Aunt Helena, who had always been the crazier of the two, had visited Bea in her room that night, and given her a “First serious relationship” present.

“It’s a tradition in this household that this is gifted on the eve that someone is seen sneaking out of your bedroom for the first time.” Helena smirked. The box had contained popcorn and chocolates “for stay-at-home movie dates”, portable phone charger “so you’ll never find yourself without battery because you stayed up talking too long on the phone last night”, and a box of condoms with a business card of a gynaecologist taped to it. “You’re old enough to know what you want, and intelligent enough to be responsible about it” her aunt had told Bea, ignoring the furious crimson covering her niece’s cheeks. “Call the gynaecologist if there’s anything you want to talk about, or if there’s another contraceptive method you’d prefer, like the pill.” Helena had reached out and pulled Bea into a hug, ruffling her hair. “You’re always welcome to talk to me or your aunt if you have any questions about your relationship, or about anything, really. However, my knowledge of these…” She tapped the box of condoms, and grinned mischievously. “…remains purely theoretical!” Although thoroughly embarrassed, Bea and Ben both agreed that the Dukes' reaction was infinitely more preferable than Mrs Hobbes’.

 

Ben’s phone suddenly started cackling where it lay on the nightstand. “Speak of the devil” Ben grinned as he stretched to grab it.

“Does your mother know you use a chicken’s cackling as her text signal? I’m afraid to know what bird you’d assign to me!” Bea scolded in a mock stern voice. Ben just smirked at her.

“Oh, come on Bea, it’s perfect! She’s a _mother hen_! And I wouldn’t change your song for anything in the world. You’re better than any bird.” Bea rolled her eyes, and shoved him.

“Stop trying to flatter yourself out of this, and show me what your mum sent you. You said it was something about ‘levelling the score’?” They both sat up on the bed as Ben flipped through his phone to bring up his mum’s message.

“Well, my dear lady love, as you were quite put out over all those pictures and stories being told over tea today, I thought I would return the favour and show you photos of a vacation I hoped had never been documented. I was two years old, and we spent the summer at Brighton with my cousin Dean and his family. We’d just seen _Muppet Treasure Island_ , and so I was quite enamoured with pirates that summer. I had a pirate hat I wore everywhere, including to the beach. That, together with letting the absent-minded being that is my dad take care of the packing one day, led to these.” He held out his phone for her to take.

His mum had sent him several photos of two-years-old Benedick, standing proudly in front of the camera on the sunny Brighton beach. The pirate hat was perched proudly on his brown locks, orange floaties were pushed up on his forearms, and… that was it! No other piece of clothing touched his body, and the lack of swim wear was accentuated by the very pale baby bottom displayed on several of the photos. With a feeling quite similar to when Claudio had shown her the video of Ben’s song, Bea quickly flipped through the pictures, cackling madly at the one where Ben and his cousin Dean stood peeing into a hole in the ground, trying to fill up the moat around their sand castle. Within moments, she had sent them on to her own phone.

“This is my new favourite picture of you, by the way” she said, holding up her phone to show him the picture of him, grinning widely and waving the spade in his hands towards the photographer. “It’s so weird, seeing your smile on this chubby toddler! I don’t think I would believe this was you if it wasn’t for your smile. I didn’t think your genes permitted you to be anything other than lanky.” Ben just shrugged.

“All toddlers are chubby. It had all melted off me when I started school three years later. My teacher asked me if I was being fed enough food at home, she thought I was so skinny.” Bea snorted, and went back to the picture.

“You know, your argument that your parents named you Benedick because they could tell you’d put it to good use just went out the window with this picture!” At Ben’s affronted yell, she giggled wildly, and pointed to the picture, where the aforementioned appendage was quite visible. “Based on this, they should have named you “Tinydick” instead!”

“Alright, you’ll pay for that!” Ben tackled her, and they fell back on the bed, Ben attacking Bea with tickles, and Bea howling with laughter as she tried to get away. They were laughing so loud that they almost missed Bea’s mum calling out, informing them that dinner was ready.

“Truce?” Bea panted, looking up at Ben with glittering eyes. Ben huffed in an exaggerated manner, and got up, extending a hand to pull her off the bed.

“Fine, truce for now. But just you wait, tonight I’ll show you just how aptly named I am, and it won’t be through tickle fights either!” Bea gave him a quick kiss, before pulling him towards the door.

“I look forward to it.” She winked, before turning in the doorway.

“Just wait until Hero sees my new screensaver!” She avoided his fingers trying to pinch her, and set off running towards the dining room.

“I’ll call Balthazar!” Ben shouted after her, as he went to catch up. “Get started on that “Beatrice is a B” song when we get back to Auckland!”

**Author's Note:**

> I love the idea of Bea's parents making her more uncomfortable than Ben. I'm quite sure she'd kick their asses if they tried to have any say in who she dates, so Ben really should know better than to be so nervous.
> 
> I'm also really fond of the idea of having the Dukes (both Bea's and Hero's parents) be so relaxed about their physical relationship. Obviously they can't be too uptight if they would leave their teenagers alone for seven months without parental supervision!


End file.
